Fitness Made Simple

It's cool that two black coaches will be squaring off in the Super Bowl. That's great. But what impresses us most about Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy is that they keep themselves in excellent shape. Dungy is a lean, svelte man who leaves nary a facial hair out of place. And Lovie Smith--with his strong, muscular build and smoothly-shaved scalp--personifies his team's powerful defense. Having these two disciplined, fit men pacing the sidelines will be a welcome respite from some of the fat-assed slobs we've had to endure this year. Pericope:

"Now I will eat the trophy. Yes, ooooh, yum!"

"BURP! I just ate Tony Romo. FART!"

"Why did you eat the last nacho, Eric? You are a real fat ass, Eric, you know that?"

"Hey, I'm a black coach too! Why won't hamburgers fall from the sky?"

"Yes, Wilma, I would like more Campbell's Chunky Soup! BARF!"

Make Your Free Throws

You can't win if you don't make your free throws, you know?